Questioning of silence

They say being in silence is the key to realization of oneself within;
We say, we read and we are maybe!

But my confession is to sit and write this to free up my questioning self;
What sort of silence is that;

My mind can acquire the questioning in two different ways whilst I write;
And I let the God be questioning my questions with what I write here to lead me to the path of silence.

Although, the question comes to me as paradoxical;
I’m keeping my sanity intact;
to not let myself to be succumbed to the crisis of my own questions.

Thus, that courage of mine, lead me to these two:
Is it silencing the mind or is it the silence of the mind?

My unbearable nature of sensitivity does neither nor comprehend my own question;
So I contemplate; What is that silence;

Silencing the mind is a pitiful question of mine; where I put that in-lieu of finding no better terms in order to explain this question as a way of doing the silence. That is doing the doing. Or to say in more spiritually nuanced format: Witnessing the thoughts.

When we come to silence of the mind; that implies the true nature of the mind. Thus, what it takes for one to be in the true nature of the mind. There are two ways that I can do this; does it require a transition to go from anywhere to here; or is just here;

If it is from anywhere to here; there is causation and effect and that becomes the point of silencing the mind which is doing the doing to act as a co-existence to the silence of the mind.

And when we say; it is here, is it being here and now?, My question comes further down to what is that lead us to the path of being the here and now? Or can I question again to say that being requires a transition via causation and effect?

As always, the questions ponder over and go away, but to write these questions is to do justice to my own thinking, for it to not become a paradox of my life.

Musical play

Body is like a musical instrument;

It’s there to play music while we can,
in this world.

When we can’t;
silence is the music,
God plays for us.

The Ordinary man and the hard days reality

An Ordinary man who strives for his family and the needs has humongous suffering than a monk in a monastery sitting around a nice setting.

He forces himself to work and work for the family in the hope that family does not need to go through what he is going through.

He needs what is needed for the family and if the family suffers, there is no crying on his part, he takes the pain and wake up next day and continue what he is doing. His life is the residue.

His mentions are all about his kids going to the school everyday with the needful paid. And his praise for his beloved wife keeping the households and looking after the children and making them happy so the family is happy together.

To keep the family intact, is his duty.

This is not a miraculous writing that I’m trying to glorify something but I’m emphasizing an ordinary man’s importance in the society. It is through observing the pain of others’ you will come to realize. In that sense, an ordinary man is nothing but a stepping stone for the monastic to see for it and realize on it.

When the ordinary man does not pertain to his duty, the world will not be orderly. This is not science, just a mere reality.

The ordinary man lives the life of what is needed for the day for his family. His path is his family.

You not be me

The path seeking I went is not

what I want you to seek.
You not be me;

The walk of the walk truly
belongs to the person whose walk
is what the heart craves for.
You not be me;

For the senses and the experiences
I taught you is just a mere mirror of
mine bestowed upon you as a jewel for
myself to find what is mine and not yours.
You not be me;

Find your path, walk the walk with
love in your heart, that holy light will lit
your journey of life for which is what we are here for.
You better not be me;

Shades of status quo

Status quo is a reminder;

A good remainder that is.

That they are boundaries;
which are meant to be broken apart.

Apart them to show you;
it is one of the revealing features
of the universe.

No stop there;
This kind is particularly special.
When you are to reach apart,
the special reveals nothing than;
Those are set by our ancestors for the human kind,
To prove that we can go beyond whence they did.

And forth goes the goodness;
to make them ancestors proud in the heavens.

What I do when my mental health goes down

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 and Social Anxiety disorder when I was 17 years old. I remember when I was doing High school, the 2 years I did, my disorder became intense, and I succumbed to psychosis heavily. I remember that I could not wake up from my bed and particularly could not go outside of home. It is very hard to think about those happenings again now. I felt that everybody was acting against me and at one point I thought my mother was poisoning me with my food.

I’m very lucky, I got a treatment from a psychiatrist at the end of my 2nd year of high school. My mother noticed and took me for the treatment.

We can name many disorders in a patient by doctors and till now to be honest I do not know whether I’m diagnosed correctly including the meds I’m taking continuously for the last 9 years. It does help to some extent where my mood swings are not very worse. The anxiety I have when I go outside is a bit tricky to handle though.

Again, being on medications does help and ease certain things. And as always there are side-effects to this. My nerves seem to be getting weirder, and I’m noticing that my fingers start twitching now and then.

But I worry less about this, and the reason is why below content.

This is one part of me living with Mental health disorder and I know that this is certain that I cannot get a cure but that doesn’t mean that I cannot live. I will now come to the other part, which is a portion of mine, I see as a good thing, which is handling when I know when I get into it. Because I know when you are living with this sort of disorder for a longer period, you can predict and feel when you are down and depressed. In my case, I can do that, and I often be conscious about that. I never hesitate to share what I want to share with others, because there is nothing there to hide and nothing there that is non-universal. Everything has its own purpose.

So, in those words I feel that life is not alone. Because I feel we are not alone here and after and more so, I can go ahead and say - the universe is not alone. Everything is an embodiment not one of either but both. There is both good and bad, there is both negativity and positivity, there is both silence and sound. Thus, there is both presence and absence. The presence when you are in the comfort of a person can also be felt in their absence if you seek it.

I feel this understanding and it is there to move further and keep breathing, that I am not alone here and after. This is not just a thought that I keep motivating myself. I do not want to motivate and get motivated; I just want to live and walk the walk. If I do this, life will take care of it by itself. It is very simple, keep breathing. How worser can it get, I do not know – I just need to keep on breathing and that’s all.

My master “Fr. Korko Moses” who is a Christian Priest but teaches from all the religious texts and embrace the self-experience of oneself. He is more of a seeker than a religious person I would say. He told me this quotation quite strongly when I was with him. He did not put God in it although the original quotation has it; maybe because he might have thought that we didn’t come to that point and likely our interactions were lasting only for few years till he became ill with Parkison and moved to a place farther away where I could not travel to see him up until this point neither speak with him on Phone because his voice had become weak and he is feeble. And the quotation is:

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”. It is here in detail.

This is a beautiful one and the trickier thing is the wisdom to see and understand the difference, particularly for a person with bipolar disorder, I would say.

All those 3 things come through practice and practicing is what life is about. I take one step at a time: Acceptance is what when you realize that in life certain things are the way as it is. Courage is when I see that I can help make the difference in others’ lives and do it by helping; by sharing. Wisdom? I let it come by itself.

The last thing I need to share here is “Training your mind”. There is a Tibetan traditional teaching called “Lojong”. It basically means, “Mind Training”. And I saw a speech online from one of the people who does this teaching. And that person is “Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo”, if I recall now – on all her sayings in the talk, she calls it and portrays the Mind training, a Jewel. And I say here and now that this is the Jewel I am seeking for by practicing and I hope you too!

A bite of unconscious way

Human brains are tentatively complex for many to write articles, do research and ideally use it. So, pertinently I’m tentative to think that I know of a small bit of it which I’d like to take a small bite.

Often, we see and hear of where creatives come up with something new to the fruition for which they don’t tend to acclaim that this is done by them. This is because of the play of unconscious mind in their doings. The mind that collects and stores inadvertently. In other words, without knowing that we are observing that.

This part of processing thoughts from unconscious level thinking has helped many artists bring fruition to their work that leads to different interpreted projections from people who perceive that.

And this elevated thinking takes courage. We see, like Bob Dylan mentioned, that one can process at the unconscious level. But how long we can survive in that state until those drains are a matter of another topic (possibly researched at the scientific level, that I’m not sure of).

Society and the system do not pertain to this way of thinking because it is structured way of thinking, hence people has to go out of the way to see themselves in a creative state where they can access things that cannot be done at a conscious level. And this system conceives that manner as a freaky state of mind. In short, the person is a freak.

The awareness and the happenings at the presence at the unconscious level is more abrasive, where you notice things that’s happening at that moment in a state that doesn’t often show to others that you are observing that. But for you, you will do that, and you notice that you are doing it in a state of mind where you are totally out of it. There is no “Me” in there.

The unconscious mind is like the tip of a double-edged sword to you and to others’ with you. You play there, you live there as long as you are able to keep up with that state of mind. And you better feel lucky, if you can come out of it when you desperately want to.